Healing and Redesigning Life to Go Higher

I’ve always been the person who followed the rules and colored inside the lines.  I grew up believing that if I did everything that I was supposed to do, everything would fall into place, and I would have the life of my dreams. However, one day it hit me. The life I dreamed of did not come true and was not my current reality.  I remember it like it was yesterday, I was headed out for a weekend trip with my big sis to attend our cousin’s wedding in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, as well as celebrate my 40th birthday and after the year I had I was ready for some fun and to mark my milestone birthday with a fresh start. Then I received a text message from my second ex-husband (yes, you read that right, my second and we had only been divorced less than a year, so the sting was still there). I opened the message, and it was a picture of his new baby girl that had just been born. When I looked at the picture, I wasn’t filled with joy or brotherly love. The first thing that came to my mind was why on God’s green earth is he sending me this? And second, how in the world did I get here? I couldn’t understand how my life turned out like this.  As a child I had my life planned out. I received the memo that if you go to school, get a good job, get married, buy your dream home, and have 2.5 kids you would have the American Dream and be happy.  As a result, I was on a mission, and I knew I could do it!

Unfortunately, as I was turning 40, I was not happy, and my life felt more like a nightmare. My life included two failed marriages, navigating how to be a single mother and co-parent, balancing a career that was taking me away from my daughter, and tiptoeing into the horrors of online dating. None of these were items on my checklist for happiness or at least I didn’t think so.  If you feel your life isn’t turning out the way you imagined, don’t fret because you are not alone and there is a path to getting the life you want and deserve.  However, you first must admit that you want it and then make the decision to choose YOU!

Starting this journey was scary and starting it at 40 when I was already feeling like I was on the downside of life was even scarier.  I felt broken, exhausted, alone, and purposeless. After years of low self-esteem and a constant need to be accommodating to others, it was time for me to say enough is enough!

During my healing journey, I had to face some hard truths about myself, the decisions I made, and the decisions I let others make for me.  I had to admit that I had given up my power and let others control my life. I had to dig deep into my insecurities and fabricated identities that covered up who I truly was. I had to demo that trash out of my mind and my life.  In this process, I had to take faith leaps and try new things. Some worked in my favor and others did not. However, the challenges I’ve faced have led to one of my greatest lessons, that the most painful experiences in your life can provide an opportunity to birth something beautiful and give you the opportunity to go higher.

My healing journey has been ever-evolving as I’ve discovered how to redesign my life and understand that my vision and dreams for my life don’t have to stay stagnant and it doesn’t depend on having a man (that was a hard one for me to learn)! It changed and morphed as I grew and learned more about myself.  I also learned that the dream that my family and the world told me that I should have, wasn’t the correct blueprint for my life.  The true blueprint of happiness for my life starts inside of me.

I had to get to know myself and what I truly wanted.  One simple, but pivotal question my life coach asked me during my journey was, “What do you like to do, and what makes you happy?”  and I was stumped. I realized that all my life, I had been so focused on helping others and making others happy that I truly didn’t know what I liked and who I was, outside of them. As a natural giver, I rarely thought twice about helping others, however, the downside to this ability is that I lost myself and the opportunity of knowing my true desires.  I got so good at understanding others that I couldn’t determine what truly made me happy outside of someone else. I had turned into a textbook codependent and my happiness was always based on someone else’s feelings and needs. However, I found out that I am the designer of my life, I didn’t have to settle for mediocracy or what others wanted and desired. I had the power to change my circumstances.  I was no longer going to let someone else control the way I lived my life. This revelation was not the end, as I’m still on my journey, but I thank God that I am higher than I was.

Today I am gearing up for my 46th birthday and a lot has changed in my life.  For starters, I walked away from my 20-year engineering career and stepped into full-time entrepreneurship. I own a 7-figure remodeling and construction business with my ex-husband, which allows me to have the time with my daughter that I desired and allows her to see her mother and father in a different type of partnership. I am also a Certified Abundant Life Coach, where I help women just like me, whose life has taken an unexpected turn and they need to change the blueprint of their life.

Through my healing and awakening process, I finally gained insights that allowed me to take my power back, trust and believe in myself, find and receive authentic connections, and STOP letting my fears control my life and YOU can do it too! If you are at a crossroads and feel stuck and hopeless, know that you have the POWER to redesign your life to go higher!  If I can do it, so can YOU!

Portrait of woman using digital tablet in office